When am I gonna get there?
By:: angie c tipton
act now ministries
1.5.2013
I have to say, I honestly
did not know what it was going to cost me when I asked God for the ministry
that I’ve asked Him for. I CANNOT tell
you how many times I’ve heard Joyce Meyer say, “It’ll be much harder than you
think it will and it’ll take much longer than you think it will.” I certainly haven’t doubted her words…oh how
I have found them oh SO true and, at times, oh SO hard to continue on…with an
excellent spirit and attitude. I suppose
that’s exactly (part of) the reason it takes so long. God knows exactly what He’s doing…and His
timing is perfect.
So, today, I find myself in
a place that I never, ever considered putting myself…working as a cashier in my
local Sam’s Club. Mind you…not because I
think it a job beneath me or anything of that nature. (I have had a great
respect for folks who work with the public in this manner…and even a greater
respect now…after working my first Christmas season in retail! I say that with a smile on my face!!)
You see, the way I was
brought up, I was taught that the more money you made or the more material
things you had, the better off you were.
Now, these words were never spoken in our home…it was a learned
behavior. More than two decades ago,
early in my marriage, I still carried on with that learned behavior. But when my husband and I decided to have a
child, slowly through the pregnancy, I began to realize that I wanted to be the
best mom I could be by staying home, instead of having a career. (Not to imply
that if you have a career and children, that’s a bad choice…it would have been
for me) Well, I was a very young
Christian at the time and made the decision to be a stay at home mom. That was a great decision…something that my
husband and I don’t regret. But, while I
was at home taking care of our son, I began to have terrible feelings of
inadequacy. You see, I wasn’t “earning
my way,” so to speak…or so I thought. It
was at this time in my life that God began to show me that the only thing that
matters is what He thinks of me…money or things didn’t have anything to do with
my self worth. I had nearly 30 years of
stinking thinking to get out of me.
Now, fast forward 2 plus
decades. I have been a “stay-at-home
mom” for the better part of my son’s 19+ years.
Only here or there did I work outside of the home. During those years, the Lord took that
unhealthy behavior as well as other bad behaviors and ways of thinking out of
me and, at some point, I realized that I had a calling on my life for
ministry…worship ministry. Needless to
say, that is where I put my focus. At
that point in time, I truly believed that I would not work in the public sector
again. THAT is why I said earlier that I never, ever would have chosen a
job as a cashier for myself.
So, I’ve been following God’s
lead…doing what I believe He’s wanted me to do.
It’s been very rewarding…sometimes frustrating…mainly because walking by
faith and not by sight is much easier said than done. We can’t and don’t always see “the big
picture.”
So, in mid September of
2012, I had received and awesome word from the Lord that “now” is a new
beginning for me…an awesome and much needed word from Him. You see, I had set down…totally…anything to
do with worship/music ministry…purposefully.
I put it all in God’s hands, had been waiting (not always patiently) and
by October of 2012, it had been set down for 16 months. Well, when I got this word, I thought
everything was going to move forward instantly…musically speaking. Oh how wrong I was! As I was cleaning my home one afternoon, I
was considering different places where I might be able to volunteer my time
during the day. I had several places to
choose from in our area…outreaches, food banks, thrift shops, etc. I said, “God, I just want to be around
people. Where do You want me to go where
I can be a blessing?” Well, you guessed
it. He sent me to Sam’s Club…it was
definitely a God thing. Doors were
opened and I was ushered through so quickly that it left my head spinning.
Two plus months into my
career there, I can see some of the reasons why He has me there…His refining
methods are amazing!! (I wouldn’t dare say that I know all the reasons why He
has me there.) I have been tested on so
many different things at so many different levels; it’s been incredible…WHO
would have thought? And I must say…I’ve
passed some and…I’ve failed some. It’s
been a challenge and honestly, although I accept what God is doing, there have
been a few times I haven’t wanted to embrace it at all! I have felt totally like my life is out of
control…my control that is! I have questioned Him…”WHY have You sent me here?”
“WHEN is this going to be
over?”…Only to hear silence…but a knowing
deep down inside that all is well.
Today…a crazy busy Saturday…just
when I didn’t think anything was going to go right in my short 4 hour shift,
something happened. In the middle of the
many people coming through my line, there was a lady who had a couple of kids
with her. What I didn’t realize at first
is that she was “counting every dime that she had” and in reality, she probably
didn’t even have a dime. Her kids were
testing her…not in a bad way…they were just being normal kids…but she was
stressed and it was a loud and frenzied atmosphere. Looking back, I feel kind of bad because I
didn’t even notice her state of mind because I was so busy trying to get folks
loaded up, paid for and out of there as quickly as possible. In a quiet voice, while holding up her food
assistance card, she said to me. “Will
this pay for a soda?” Like a ton of
bricks hitting me, I suddenly realized what was going on. In an instant while handing her a cup I said,
“No, ma’am it won’t…but, your drink is on me today.” I couldn’t believe how grateful she was for
something as simple as a soda for her children.
As she thanked me, she had tears in her eyes. I said, “Thank you, you’ve made my day.” What
happened there today doesn’t seem like much…it was just a soda…but, it made her
day, it made my day and has helped me to see why God wants me there. You see, it’s not about ME. (which I certainly know, but in very public, fast paced
situations, it’s challenging to keep the proper focus.) It’s about Jesus. It’s about God working through me. He had me there at that very moment so He
could make a difference in her life. I
just have to be willing to let Him do His thing. That’s what matters!! That’s what being a believer in Jesus is
about!
So, while I continue on this
journey with God, wondering…when am I
gonna get there…I continue to pray for more moments like these…and do my best
to always remember why I am where I am, whether it be cashiering at my local
Sam’s Club or singing my favorite song of praise to my God at church. It’s always my goal to live Christ minded in
all that I do, but I’m human and there will always be things that will
challenge me to grow to that higher level that God has for me. I’m thankful for His grace in my errors and
it’s my hope for myself to express that grace to others when I feel they have
failed me. God is good all the time…I
want to imitate that to others…always!
